Epiphany Over Coffee

I met with one of my old high school teachers yesterday and aside from remembering how much of a crush I had on him as a 15 year old, I was reminded of how I felt back then. Stupid, overwhelmed and hopeless. It was a little shocking because well, its been awhile since I could actually remember that exact feeling but I’ll tell you this, triggers exist in the weirdest way. So while I talked about my new life and he told me about his, I remembered the girl I used to be. The one that used to cry all the time over her weight, the one that thought she couldn’t ever get a boyfriend, the one that gave up in high school because of bullying and learning disabilities. It was humbling, to say the very least.
I came home both overjoyed and a little sad. Mostly because I felt in some ways I failed my younger self. Sure, I took the time to love who I am physically but in so many ways, I’ve stopped trying to encourage myself in others. I stopped trying to remind myself that I’m smart and I have the skills to accomplish what I need. I stopped trying to remind myself that I’m strong and I can get through this. If I opened any of my 10+ journals from my teenage years, I’d have at least 3 pages dedicated in each to remind me of who I once was and how proud of who I am now or at least who I thought I’d be (sorry 14 year old Sarah, no kids yet!).  I spent most of my morning thinking about the ways that I still want to improve and the ways I still put myself down.
It takes literally no effort for me to tell myself things like “You’re stupid”, “you can’t do this”, “why even bother”, “told’ya you were wrong” but it requires an awful lot of time and energy to try and talk over that. Its funny how one 2hr meeting really helped me remember all the ways I owe it to myself.

Top – Torrid
Cardigan – Thrifted
Skirt – Wal Mart
Tights – Wal Mart
Boots – Wal Mart
Ring – Thrifted
Belt – ASOS


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